Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
