so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
