he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
