Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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