i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
