So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
