Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm at about main and main street
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Randomize
