Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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