I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
