i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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