"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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