You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
