im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
