Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
