I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
