but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize