I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
