She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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