how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
