I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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