well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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