I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
