you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
