then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
