Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
