guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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