who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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