Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
