I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
