what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
