well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
