i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize