just survived the first fart of the relationship.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We have so much sex to catch up on
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
