do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
