Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize