I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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