He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
