So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
