we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
