when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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