bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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