That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
