we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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