Whod you bang
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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