Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
