If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
