there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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