I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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