I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
please come you make the beer taste better
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize