He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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