so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize