He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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