I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
