Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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