i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
