We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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