her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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