Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
