Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
