If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
