someone owes me an orgasm
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
