Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
