this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize