# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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