the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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