I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
