My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
