worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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