I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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