dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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