she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
