Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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