omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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